Empathy? Who Cares!

I do. 

You should.

We all should!

Many years ago, author George Elliot wrote that “the highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world”.

Physiologically speaking, our mouths are our egos. When we speak, we concentrate on our own thoughts and feelings. When we hear, many of us are busy preparing our next set of words rather than actually listening to what is being shared.

I recall my kindergarten teacher telling me that God has given us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. 

Our ability to suspend our egos is fundamental to our ability to empathize and to communicate.

Our ears are our empathetic tools.

They allow us to listen and learn from others.

Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experience of another. It is actually more than just listening; it is really connecting to understand.

Our most successful communicators have been able to develop the ability to listen to understand and, to consequently, better communicate with others.

This applies to communicators of positive messages such as Nelson Mandela, as well as to those that I consider negative messengers like Donald Trump. Understanding what makes your audience tick is what makes a communicator successful. 

When one studies the great authors and poets, composers and playwrites, one sees how they meld their feelings to the feelings of their audiences. 

When great actors perform, they draw from their innermost feelings and leading the audience to empathize with them.

One can speak to or speak with.

Speaking to ensures that our views are transmitted but does little to ensure that they are accepted or understood.

Monologues appeal to our egos, but dialogues appeal to our audiences and ensure their participation in an exchange of views.

We must begin by asking ourselves what we want to take away from a conversation. 

Once we extrapolate this, we can begin to focus on understanding what our audience wants to take away from our conversation. 

In other words, “what’s in it for you?”

Then, it becomes a matter of our ability to meld our goals and feelings with those of our audiences and create a consensus whereby we both benefit without feeling bested by the other.

It is more important for us to ensure that, even if they do not fully agree, our audience not only understands our point of view but, also, that we understand theirs rather than both sides simply try to force the other to accept their views or withdraw in frustration.

This is a fundamental challenge of our time.

Social media empowers us to get our message across as forcefully as we wish.

However, getting our message out is only half the battle.  And this does not necessarily create a dialogue.

Communication must be a two-way street. To be effective, each side must not only speak, but, also, each must also listen and seek to understand. Through understanding, both parties can arrive at a consensus in which all can benefit and have a stake.

This requires wisdom, discipline, and finesse.

And our ability to reach out to audiences and reach inside their thoughts and feelings will determine our ultimate success in achieving a real and ongoing dialogue.

Edición: Laura Espejo